Instead of little fingers and toes to kiss, the wonderful smell of Johnsons baby lotion, bath time, little smiles, rocking chair time watching her drift into slumber and NEVER wanting to put her down because you could sit there and watch her "FOREVER", instead of all that, we get pictures, videos, and a heart shaped box with ashes and little bones. It's soooo not fair and I'm a little bitter right now over it. It's not frigging fair and why didn't we disurve her!!!! Who decides which babies die and which live?????? I know, I didn't disurve her anymore then the next but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
I don't know anyone that lost a baby so there is no shoulder to cry on or someone to yell with me and thats hard.
In Illinois at a moment like this I'd just drive to Retzi's and she'd listen to me cry it out, or get pissed and all the other emotions I have over this. I'm slowly making friends here but not fast enough to have enough to always have one at all times to run to when I'm upset. I had a great day today, then I read about a friend who may get a 10 day old baby that is in states care. I'm sooo happy for her, trust me. I'm just kind of mad about the parents. I guess they don't want him or their unfit. It's sooo not fair about those parents and here we wanted Arabella sooooo bad. Now I have a winnie the pooh nursery to look at and no baby.
