Here, in this picture, she needed held, warmed and comforted but we were not allowed to touch her or even be in the same room with her. The nurses took these pictures. Why couldn't we just hold her once before she died?? It's sooo not fair. I don't understand. She desurved to be comforted, held, sang to and rocked. We deserved to get to do those things. 
She doesn't look like she should have died here, does she. Whyyyyyyy? She was sooo beautful. The only thing getting us through is kaite and i both believe God will give her back when the time comes, after kaitlyn heals physically and mentally and tries again, wether for her a child, or another attempt at us a baby and then her own, or hubby and I adopt elsewhere. I want her back!! I know though that that may never happen and if not we will see her in Heaven one day. I sooo wanted her now though. 
She needed us here sooo badly and we couldn't be there for her. They wheeled her off and wouldn't tell us anything. Parents should have rights to know things and to hold her for even a few seconds. i held her dead body for like 6 hours and cried, later this same day. Now she is being cremated. This sucks sooo bad.She looks like Kaitlyn her. 
Arabella Soraya looks like my son Chris here. I wish I could hold her!!!!
With the recent loss of our families little Arabella, I thought I should just make a whole blog just for her. For my tears, my laughter, her memory garden, the alter we're making in honor of her and for whatever comes up. From dark to sunshiny thoughts. From blaim, to anger, to understanding. This has been the absolute hardest loss I have ever had.
She was taken by emergency C-Section after a bout with preclamsia. She weighed 4Lbs 3Ozs. 16 inches long. Born Oct 10th 2008. She lived for just eight hours. I only got to hold her after she had passed, but i did get to hold her hand and touch her face before she passed. She was a gift created for my husband and myself after a bought with cancer took my ability to mother again on my own, by my son and his fiance who came to us through foster care over 7 years ago.
After 8 months of having her in the womb to read to and feel move. Making her nursery perfect in Winnie the Pooh, after collecting all the things to keep her safe. Just like that, she is gone. I'd do anything to have her back!!! It's only been a week and two days. I don't know how people get through stuff like this. I do good and think I'll be ok, and then I cry like crazy and my heart aches with pain and emptiness like I'd never felt in my life and pray i never feel again.
I am thankful for the hours I did get to watch her from afar. inside that glass sorounded by nurses trying to fix her. I can't help but wonder if just being held by myself or kaitlyn would have been all she needed. kaitlyn never even got to breast feed her. With the preclamsia she couldn't.
"Why Arabella, why?"
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