Why do I torture myself??

This bed would have been perfect for her room. Or maybe a pink castle bed.

This is WONDERFUL and I had never even seen one. That way the baby is close but you don't have to fear rolling over on her, especialy a baby small like Arabella.

This thing is awesome for an older toddler. never seen one of thse either. Maybe not to do on concrete But very fun I'm sure. and it spins too.

Night is soooo hard for me. Thats when the tears and the sadness over the loss of Arabella realy hit me the most. i think about her all day long, but for some reason at night when it's colder and dark, I get extremely sad. i sit and watch TV through tears. Most often hiding my tears from the teens. They know i'm hurting and they are hurting too, I just don't want to let them see me cry alll the time. We do have fun too. We do taht all day, but then night, Chris is on his game, dads working [last midnight, then he will be off two days' and kaitlyn was finishing up schoolwork and now is on Myspace.

To make things worse for myself, i still have an obsesion with looking on Craigslist at all the baby stuff up for sale. Why do I still go there almost daily?? It's not healthy, but I have to. I got alot of Arabellas stuff from their and rumage sales. Heres a few pics of stuff I found tonight that would have been perfect for Arabella.

We wanted her soooo bad!!! My heart aches sooo bad at dark and when I lay down. i cry in the dark, in bed all the time. She wasn't even due yet and just like that it's over.